Dial down the dating expectation

The season of renewal is here! Spring is a perfect time to reflect on past patterns and recalibrate that mindset. If you have been feeling a little frustrated with dating lately, could it be as simple as just dialing down the expectation?

We’ve all heard a version of this before: “I can’t wait for my date with George. I have a feeling he could be the one.” Are you thinking what I’m thinking? That’s a whole lot of pressure to be putting on George.

And here is George’s mindset: “Jackie seems great. I’m looking forward to just getting out and having a drink and some laughs.” This is more like it. He seems genuinely excited about the date and spending time with Jackie. Beyond getting to know her a little better, there are no other expectations. And that’s the way it should be.

With that attitude, George is likely going to go into the date feeling relaxed and confident. And it will be easy for him to be present and engaged in the evening. This will prove to be more difficult with Jackie’s mindset. She will be too busy thinking about where the date is going, and looking for the “signs” that will validate her expectation.

Now, it’s not always easy to be as laid back as George about dating. So how does Jackie get there?

She can start by focusing on all the other great things that dating can bring into her life (other than the possibility of meeting “the one”). For George, it was simply a night out with good company. But there is so much more than that. Why not think of it as a fun learning process — a way to get to know yourself and others?

Maybe it’s a chance to become more of an engaged listener or a better conversationalist. Or, how about all of the opportunities to learn something new from the people you date? For example, you find out your date is a Sommelier. You’ve always wanted to learn more about the wine making process. Ask away! You will come away knowing a little more about wine and your date will feel listened to.

When you stop treating dating with such serious intentions, you will just automatically feel more relaxed and at ease. The pressure will be off and you will enjoy yourself a whole lot more. And then when you stop looking for love, love will probably find you.

Terran Shea is a Matchmaker and Dating Expert with MutualMatch.ca



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